


Beneath the Green Homunculus

by Numbkid



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numbkid/pseuds/Numbkid
Summary: "If I cannot posses what I covet, I should destroy it. No one else can have it." Up until his death, Envy, unlike the other homunculus, did not display signs of the sin of his respective name. What really goes on beneath the shape-shifting homunculus? -Written from Envy's POV. No pairings. One-shot. Published previously in another platform in 2015.
Kudos: 5





	Beneath the Green Homunculus

**Author's Note:**

> This was published on FF.net in 2015. I recently created an AO3 account because it seems that everyone is shifting here. Here is the writing. Enjoy!

Envy

I didn't know what I was when I was born. But for sure, I wasn't human.

I caught a reflection of myself in one of those flasks. I was green, slimy and incredibly tiny.

"Is this supposed to be my new sibling which should rival my abilities, don't mock me, Father," a demonic-like voice boomed through the darkness as I felt tiny hands embracing me. I was being manhandled and felt powerless. I didn't like it at all.

"He has different forms, Pride," a calm yet firm voice replied, which I deduced it was "Father".

Pride brought me closer to him, and I could see his form. He had a fabricated appearance of a child. Comparing to him, he was like a giant. How can this be? A child bigger than I was. I felt so tiny.

"Really? He looks pathetic," Pride gave a malicious smile and tapped my eyelids mockingly. My insecurities shrank further, each words, they hurt me like steel blades ripping through my chest. I had this overwhelming emotion that was indescribable, like it was consuming painfully.

"Put him down, Pride," 'Father commanded' and Pride dropped me on the floor.

A bearded old man came to the light. This wasn't fair. They both look human while I had an appearance of a green slug. I couldn't admit it. I was ugly. I wanted to look like them.

The man whom was addressed as Father forced a blood-red stone into my mouth, and as if by magic, I grew out of my slug form. I looked at my reflection again. Great, now I look like one of them too.

The following years, other siblings were created. To cut it short, our existence were to bring blood baths so that a large transmutation could occur.

I spent many decades observing humans. My other siblings look down on them so much. We were supposed to be better than them anyway. We were stronger, faster and we can live forever. We were void of any emotions, with the exception of a sin that we were named after.

Mine happened to be Envy.

The irony of this was, the homunculus were supposed to mock them to our hearts' desires. Somehow, I couldn't help but admire them. They could interact with their own kind in a way homunculus could not. Humans, though irrational, are loved. They were cared for. They were brought to this world through the love of their parents, not transmutation of any sort. Their existence were an evidence of love and desire. I was merely created because I was a tool. I hated it.

Despite my shape-shifting abilities, I was able to look like them. But still, I covet what they possess. They have love, relationships, emotions. But for me? I was only filled with envy and the emptiness were often occupied with the very same emotion.

I ended up constantly taunting them, nitpicking their weak points and just merely despising them. It was a poisonous habit I grew to like, because it would make me feel a little better of myself.

Another habit I had was comparing. It was something I subconsciously do. It always begins with "Why can't I be?" or "Why do they have this?". I couldn't help but ponder.

Why can't I be like Pride who has high self-esteem about being a homunculus? Despite being a boy, we both love to taunt human beings and their imperfections. The only difference was, he meant those words. I didn't. His voice was filled with arrogance and he genuinely treated them like he was their puppeteer. While I felt like I had to drag them to make my way above.

Then there was Sloth and Gluttony. They were complete morons that I can boss around. But even so, why didn't they care? They were so carefree, why wasn't I? They didn't give a damn what humans have. They didn't have to waste time trying to prove that they were superior to humans.

Even Greed, though he was never satisfied with what he obtains, status, fortune, power, women. He could have it all. For me? I was coveting something more intangible and impossible to get. If I was a human, I would be satisfied. But I know, in deep bitterness, that was impossible. I am a homunculus, not a human.

What about Lust? She had an appearance that made many men desired her. I thought, even if I became human, maybe I'll just be endlessly rejected. I was ugly, I wanted to have other guys' good looks. I was jealous, jealous of those puny humans who can be desired.

Lastly, Wrath, our last sibling was created. He was different, he had a human shell. He can age in time, he can be a Fuhrer President and be married to someone. Though it was fabricated, he could live like an ordinary human. Of all siblings, he was the one I was envious of the most.

This wasn't fair. Instead, I was Envy.

Being a shape-shifter, I was the best man for the job to start the Ishvalan war. It was a piece of cake.

Disguising myself as an Amestrian soldier, I held my gun at the Ishvalan girl's forehead. She was shocked, with ruby eyes staring back at me. I began to love seeing the negative emotions of terrified humans. It reminds me of the weakness of their kind. The comparison habit convulses through my veins yet again. Those ruby red eyes, though displayed immense fear, they were pure and innocent. Unlike mine. My eyes resembled a snake. They were always observant, sharp in picking out the strength & weaknesses of a person. Surely those eyes of hers sparkles with joy when she's with her family. The eyes of such naivety that hasn't witnessed the ugly sins of the world. Yet, I was about to murder her before her eyes turned into mine. With just a pull of the trigger, the Ishvalan war started.

That's right. If I cannot posses what I covet, I should destroy it. No one else can have it. Humans should be annihilated if I can't have their qualities.

Then there was Mae Hughes.

He knew too well about our plan. I was told by Father to assassinate him. What a pity, really. He had a wonderful family. A beautiful wife & a lovely child. He was fond of talking about them, or so I've heard. He even places a picture of them in his office. What a fool Hughes was, for one thing in having a career that endangers one's life, one should not let the enemy know of their private life. Otherwise, his loved ones will be involved.

Such a moron. He didn't follow this simple rule and therefore, should suffer the consequence. Just an imitation and transformation to Hughes' wife, he couldn't fight back. Humans always hesitate to pull the trigger if it was someone dear to them. It was all too easy, the impression of his face was priceless. His eyes displayed fear, similar to the Ishvalan child. Again, with a pull of the trigger, I took his life. A life which was filled with joyfulness and company, a life that I was envious of.

Then there was this battle I had, but never knew it was my last. It was the battle with Roy Mustang.

After obtaining another Philosopher's Stone, I was able to regain my human-sized form. I've always hated my tiny algae-like appearance. But man, it felt great to be back with power.

By transforming to my humungous form that resembled a demonic green dog, I knew I could win this fight. I was determined to make Roy Mustang like one of the many sorrowful decaying corpse that was embedded in my green viscous body. They let out shrill cries and begging of mercy, which energizes my hatred for these weak humans. Their horrifying noises were like a soothing melody to the ever-growing covetousness within me, reassuring that despite the many things they possess that I want, their negative traits would feed my insecurities. It prevents me from thinking that humans were superior than the homunculi.

I taunted Roy Mustang with the synchronized voices of the cadavers stuck onto me, using words of mockery to instill his hate, to dig out his weakness, to shake his composure. It was all too easy, all I needed was to use Mae Hughes as the weapon of choice to stab him off guard.

But never have I been so wrong.

The endless condescending words backfired me. Although it did invoke anger in him, but the reaction was conveyed in another manner - Roy Mustang had utilized it as a fuel to supply his deep, suppressed contempt and determination. Yes, the determination to obliterate the murderer of Mae Hughes.

With every snap of his finger, I was set ablaze. The heat of pure starvation for vengeance engulfed me in every part of my body to the extend that being in my largest form became a disadvantage. I shrunk back to my human-size. The only option I had left, was to run for my life. Otherwise, I would end up like Lust. Burnt into crisp, like blackened meat.

So I ran, as quickly as my legs could carry me. Only to halt each time his flame alchemy would set me on fire, even distance could not weaken his power, it was as if all the vengeful energy was strengthening him. He consecutively burnt me alive.

Again and again, and again.

I was running out of time. Apart from my skin that had been constantly being scorched by him relentlessly, my lungs was getting burnt out from this restless running. My lungs were gradually getting weaker, unable to have capacity to fill it with sufficient air to muster my strength to fight for my life. It was getting infiltrated with blackened ashes and smoke. I attempted to harshly cough them out and even wheez it through my nasal, but it was futile. My body was too busy regenerating my layered skin after every combustion, that it was ignoring the dangerous aspect in my internal organs.

He was ruthless. This was the first time I felt this emotion - fear. Fear of death.

Then, miraculously, he lost track of me. So I shape shifted into him. But I must have my revenge. I should destroy the one thing that he cared about: Riza Hawkeye. Riza saw me, thinking I was Roy Mustang. My plan? Was to lead her into a place that is suitable for me to finish her off.

CLICK.

There was that sound ringing into my ears. Riza Hawkeye was holding me at gun point. As innocent as I could, I questioned her using the voice of Roy Mustang. Alas, she saw right through me. She knew that I wasn't him.

Before it registered in my brain, I was in another battle. Damn, this girl have the courage to kill with her gun machinery. Without hesitance, she continuously shot me with bullets, not even wasting a second. The bullets were flying faster than my body could heal the holes it was making. Annoyed, I fought back. It was easy to curl her around the greenery fluid of my extended arm. But there were footsteps resonating behind the walls.

Roy Mustang found me, and the cycle of getting deeply fried restarted.

How stupid, I've always thought that I was immortal. Unstoppable, formidable and powerful.

The scorching flames that kept appearing was testing the limit of my form. My shell could no longer protect me. It deteriorated, after the continuous combustion, it burnt and all dried out. I crawled like a snail on its death row, knowing that my enemies are nearby. Damn it.

"So this is your true form," Roy Mustang's voice boomed, resonating with disdain, "you're ugly." He stepped on me. I didn't know which one hurt even more. His foot or his words? Never have I been so afraid of anyone. His eyes, they changed. They weren't human. It was from a foul beast that thirsts for my blood.

"And your name is envy. Envy means jealousy. And jealousy is ugly. Its disgusting. Get out of my sight!"

"No! Please! Don't!" I cried helplessly, desperate. Humans have the capacity for empathy, right? To beg was the only solution that I could find.

"Now burn in hell!"

Then, in a twist of fate, Riza, Scar and Edward arrived, opposing him. In a flash, I was thrown in the air and landed on Edward Elric's hand. I was surprised. They were actually preventing Roy Mustang to kill me. After all I've done, they were actually telling him not to? I can never comprehend their ability for remorse and forgiveness. Because it's always about the cruelty of revenge and hatred.

I watched Roy Mustang vented out his last suppressed rage via his flame alchemy, directing it at no one. I watched, in both envy and disgust, the scene Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye apologizing to one another. It was inconceivable for Riza to plan to incinerate herself once she kills Roy.

Humans... They are unbelievably insane for the ones they care about.

Yet, I didn't have anyone that wanted to sacrifice herself unlike Roy.

I snapped back to the situation at hand. I had to get out. I had to save my own skin. The only way was to toy with their weaknesses again. I started blabbering about the possible reasons they could resent one another. But no one budged. They didn't react. They only stared at me pitifully.

What the hell is this?

"You're jealous of humans..."

The Fullmetal Alchemist's words struck me like lightning. How did he figure it out? Then heat rises up my head. It was, if I'm not wrong, shame. I started to wail out, crying, it was so pathetic. How can a puny boy like Edward could see right through me? Then it hit me.

I'm exhausted, tired of living this purposeless existence.

Sickened by the overwhelming jealousy. I would be killed by them anyway. So I wriggled my way out of Edward's hands. He was adamant of letting me go but I bit him so I could be free. I dropped on the floor and started crying hysterically, pouring out my pain that I had buried for decades.

Mustering all my strength, I placed my arms in my tooth-filled mouth, pulling out the Philosopher's Stone. That was when I realized I was heartless, hollow inside. Not capable to love, nor lovable. The reddish stone popped like a confetti, scarlet fluid splattered out like it was my blood. I doubt I even had real blood that coursed through me.

Then I dropped on the floor, lifeless. My tiny form was pulverizing into nothingness. I was entering the state of oblivion. The Fullmetal Alchemist could only stare at me in shock and pity. The only person that actually understood me. If we weren't enemies, I bet we would've been great allies.

"Goodbye, Edward Elric."

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, how did it go? I didn't mean to make Roy Mustang be in a bad light, he is my favourite character! But this was told from Envy's perspective. 
> 
> Even though I disliked Envy and I personally think he deserves to be punished, I was moved by his death scene. I've always wondered if the Homunculus display the sins of their name, how come Envy, throughout the whole series, didn't? My question was answered when I saw the episode that has his death scene. To me, covetousness is a poisonous emotion in all of us that we can't really avoid. Which is why I wrote a one-shot from his perspective.


End file.
